i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
