Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
