never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
