I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize