He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
