Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
