so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
