I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
