My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
