is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
