I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
