I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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