At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
