This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
