why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
not ubering you a puppy
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize