Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it was like eating out sand paper
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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