how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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