You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
