Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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