areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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