Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
