Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
