After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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