Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
