Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
