it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
