Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
