i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize