I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
