where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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