I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
