twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
