I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
