I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
