Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
