I seem to have left my pride at pride
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
