she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
