I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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