I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
