If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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