I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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