i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
