you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize