my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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