I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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