I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
