i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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