Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
BRING THE BAGELS
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
