It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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