You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
