Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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