none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
