Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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