oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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