I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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