Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
