dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
