i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
