I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
