The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
