Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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