College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
